Jane spent the next few days laying on her stomach as her incisions were healing. She had a lot of swelling from the surgery. I had to wait 6 days to hold her. Even then it was with a pillow in between us. She was in so much pain, I had to be careful not to move her too much. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay with Jane the whole time. I couldn't sleep in the NICU, but they allowed me to visit as often as I wanted. Every morning the doctors had a meeting and talked about Jane case. How she was doing, if there was any changes needed to be made to her pain medication, nutrition, etc. Originally the doctors told me that 6 days after surgery she'd be able to come home. However that was not the case. We spent two weeks in the NICU. Jane was in respiratory failure and was on a ventilator. Her heart had a few holes. She had hypoglycemia, hydronephrosis, leukopenia, hypernatremia. Jane was getting my milk through a feeding tube. She wasn't able to nurse. She then got jaundice and had to be in the phototherapy for 24 hours. It felt like everyday something else came up. It was heart breaking watching Jane go through all this and be in so much pain. I remember praying, begging God for a sign that everything would be okay. That things would get better. For two weeks, there wasn't much change in her health. I was physically and emotionally drained. I prayed and prayed. After those two weeks, things started to turn around slowly. Jane started to open her eyes more, she wasn't needing as much pain medication, her swelling went down tremendously and she was able to breath on her own. She was finally able to get out of the NICU.
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| First time seeing her after surgery |
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| First time holding Jane |
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| Proud Daddy |
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| Phototherapy |
The doctors transferred her downstairs to a recovery room. I was able to stay with her all the time now. I spelt on a couch. I had to learn how to use the feeding tube; how to put it in, how to make sure it was in the right place, how to calculate the correct dosage of milk she needs, etc. Within a day, I was doing everything; her feedings, changing her, etc. I was determined to adapt and learn everything. I still wasn't able to nurse her, but I was working with a lactation consultant to teach Jane how to nurse and how to use a bottle. It was hard for Jane. She just couldn't get it. I didn't give up, every chance I got, I tired a little. I didn't want to push her too hard, but I knew that eventually she would get it. For the most part, things seemed like they were going great. I had an orthopedics doctor come in one day and he examined Janes feet. He told me that Jane had bilateral clubfeet. I had no idea what that was. He told me that she would need cast and surgery to correct them. I told him right away, that I wanted to seek another opinion and try other methods before any kind of cast or surgery. Another doctor told me that Jane had hip dysplasia. She liked to keep her right foot up in the air, all the way by her ear. I thought she was just flexible. The doctor ordered an ultrasound and it ended up being that her left hip wasn't in the socket. The doctor told me she'd need surgery to correct it. Just when I thought we were done with surgeries and ready to go home, things kept pouring down on us. The holes in her heart haven't closed. The doctor said it should close on its own within a few weeks, but if it didn't, she'd need heart surgery. No parent wants to hear that their baby needs to have surgery. Jane already went through so much. There wasn't any hour that went by that I couldn't help by start crying. At this point, Bible verses weren't helping, all I wanted to do was cry. I was just sad. I didn't want to see any visitors. I felt crushed. I didn't know how to handle all the bad news. A part of me was losing hope. What if this was God's plan for her? I remember sitting on the chair next to Jane just crying and out of no where a verse came to mind, Matthew 7: 9-11 "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." God saw the pain in my heart and He knew how much I loved Jane. But I didn't realize until that moment that God loved her so much more. Just as I am willing to do anything for her. He was willing and capable to do much more. I just had to trust Him. Easily said then done. But I realized that everything was out of my control. I just had to give it all to God.
On June 10th, 2015 we were discharged from the hospital. I was so excited to be coming home with Jane and just getting her settled in and getting her on a schedule and doing normal things with a newborn. Jane still had the feeding tube, so it was challenging to make sure I pumped before she had to eat. I still pumped every two hours for 20 minutes. Our friends and family organized meals for us, so I didn't have to worry about cooking for the first week home. Within two days of being home, Jane learned how to nurse. It took her almost an hour to nurse but I didn't mind. God was answering another prayer. We were finally able to take the feeding tube out and when I told the doctors, they were shocked. They were certain she'd be on the feeding tube for at least another month.
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| Siblings Meeting Jane |
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| I LOVE when babies sleep like this |
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| Going Home!!! |
Looking back at those weeks in the hospital, and remembering how tough they were. I wouldn't have been able to get through it all without my husband, family and friends. But most of all, without Gods help. He was my comforter, and the person I was able to truly open up to. I also learned that, I can't expect God to answer my prayers right away. I asked God for a lot during those weeks. Some, God answered and some He hasn't till this day. I've learned that sometimes God delays our prayers so that we can develop character qualities such as endurance, trust, patience and submission; qualities that come only when we wait patiently and trust in his timing. Whatever Gods reasoning for not answering some prayers, I chose to trust in Him and in the meantime, I will just keep praying about them.
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